Bands that don’t matter, part one: KISS

KISS is a band that I never truly understood the fanfare for. Sure, they put on a good stage show, but their music is just awful.
I’ve tried to listen to their albums, but the music and their image never really matched. When you look at the classic KISS lineup, with the ghoulish painted faces, you would think this band’s music would be heavier than Black Sabbath. But when you listen to it, the sound is more on par with Poison and Dokken than Ozzy.
Plus, they are the only band that looks normal with clown makeup on than off. I mean, Gene Simmons looks like a pug that was hit in the face with a brick.
There are many music-related reasons I hate this band. For instance, in the early 2000s, on their first of many “farewell” tours, they chose to entertain their die-hard fans with an encore that was not any of their so-called classic songs, but a jingle they did for a Pepsi commercial.
Or, there was the time they made a big deal of coming out publicly without their makeup and did a bunch of terrible albums that even their core fan base hated.
Plus they did that disco song in the late ’70s.
Sure, I can admire how they have commercialized themselves into just about every product known to man. They even have a KISS coffin. It includes a beer cooler for some reason as well.
But I never understood the rabid fan base. I’ve met folks who would pay thousands of dollars to have everything they ever recorded on vinyl. I’ve met people who dressed up as the band for conventions and concerts, and it is creepy. I’ve never met a Grateful Dead fan who dressed up as an overweight heroin addict in tribute to Jerry Garcia.
The closest thing to this madness I witnessed in real life was when I went to an Insane Clown Posse concert with my buddy. I went on the basis that since I never “experienced” an ICP concert, I wouldn’t “get it.”
Suffice to say, I left that concert covered with Faygo cola and a deep hatred for rapping clowns.
But KISS’ music has never been great. They never had anything to say other than partying and rocking, which means nothing to someone beyond the age of 14.
Half of the original band have left, probably because they realized being a 60-year-old man dressed up as a clown and playing songs they can’t relate to is kind of embarrassing.
So, to me, KISS is a band that never really mattered.