I Want An Email From The Gritty New Hamburglar, Just Like Someone From UPROXX Did

hamburglar

Like an enigma wrapped in a riddle and inexplicably deep fried like what that nutjob did to a Big Mac, the gritty new Hamburglar’s social media campaign struck a jarring chord in the online blogging community in May. Like emailing manifestos that answer prevailing questions, like UPROXX’s 50 Questions About The New McDonald’s Hamburglar. Yes, imagine the chilling feeling of opening your email, only to be mocked and have your questions answered by a man who lies about going to the Party Store to his own wife.

And then he went silent. Now, more than two months have gone by without a peep from this hardened burger thief. And I want answers.

I can only imagine the terror that gripped UPROXX’s Danger Guerrero’s mind when that ominous email arrived in May — knowing somewhere in the dark underworld of a crime-ridden city that Mayor McCheese has lost all control of, the Hamburglar is reading these articles and responding. It is a horror that just might haunt Danger Guerrero and others’ dreams for generations to come.

And since I’ve written two (this makes three) articles on this masked madman who is determined to strike terror into the hearts of the noontime lunch crowd,  I would like a response from him. Any response, I can take it. Hamburglar, it’s been too long and if you are reading this, I dare you to respond. My email is jfroemming(at)bemidjipioneer.com — the ball is in your court.

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