All right, it is “Fuller House” week here at the JOE-DOWN, where we will review two episodes of the Netflix revival of “Full House.” This will run until Saturday.
Today, Joe Brown and I review episodes nine and 10 of “Fuller House.”
Episode 9: “War of the Roses”
(When a thousand roses are delivered to the house, DJ, Kimmy, and Stephanie try to figure out which one of their admirers sent it.)
Froemming: This episode should really be titled “Aunt Becky has a midlife crisis” because that is what’s actually happening here in this episode. We start with her sharing a bed with Kimmy, because she has shown up after the “Wake Up San Francisco” reunion and had spent the night. And it all goes downhill fast for her in this one.
Brown: Oh, we’ll go in depth with Becky’s mental breakdown soon enough… One thing that confused me was in the “Fuller House” pilot, we see everyone getting together and the assumption is that everyone hasn’t seen each other for a long time and are having a final farewell to the Tanner house. But, all of a sudden Becky starts suffocating everyone, saying that she missed hanging out with them like this. Umm… when did you ever hang out with the Fullers, Kimmy and her deranged family and Stephanie in this sort of setting? A week ago?
And not only does she get to meddle in her family’s affairs, but there’s a mystery on our hands: Someone dumped a greenhouse full of flowers into the living room.
Froemming: Yeah, and of course it is the shrill voice of Max who announces the flowers have arrived. And the card is missing, adding to this “Scooby Doo from Hell” story. Also, from what Becky keeps saying throughout the episode, I get that she and Jesse are trapped in a loveless, miserable marriage. I mean, that can only explain why she would spend her free time with these people.
Brown: Becky is so overbearing in this episode… If the house was a toddler, Becky would be the plastic bag over its head. She’s getting in everyone’s business over their dating lives over flowers. Could they be from DJ’s suitors, Matt or Steve? How about Fernando for Kimmy, trying to rekindle a love that should not happen? Or, is it a mystery suitor for Stephanie? Then we had our B-plot which is Jackson trying to get out of the friend zone with Lola. And who has to stick her nose into that plot? Becky!
And all the while, Becky is hoarding over Tommy because she is clearly baby crazy. Tommy’s can’t speak, but if you look into his eyes, he is screaming inside. It’s not the house’s fault that Becky’s life is boring now that Jesse has become a respectable adult (or so it seems).
Froemming: That look of pure horror on Tommy’s face exactly mirrored mine as I’ve been binge watching this show. The theme song has now haunted my dreams like an even more disturbing version of “A Nightmare on Elm Street.”
And yeah, Jackson has been “friend zoned” by Lola (Becky even calls him “Friend Zone” as a nickname a couple of times). And the flower mystery grows, because Matt drops a bomb on DJ when he says he gave her flowers …. and DJ thinks he is a little psychotic because of that. So she breaks up their plans to see a “night dentist.” *deep sigh*
Brown: Then in a plot device that I’m shocked it took nine episodes to get to, Stephanie hypothesizes that the flowers could have came from Harry Takayama, whom she got “married” to as a 5-year-old in the show’s original run. It was nice to see the viewing audience whisked away to flashback land, when HDTV didn’t exist and I was too young to realize this show wasn’t funny. It’s also very off-putting to see a grown-up Stephanie refer to Harry as her “husband.” She’s clearly been faithful to him after all these years…
Froemming: And Fernando (SURPRISE) lies to Kimmy, saying he sent the flowers. Oh, Kimmy Gibbler, you are still falling for this man’s lies. You will never learn, will you?
So Jackson sets up a plot of giving Lola 1,000 red M&Ms and a note asking her to spend Saturday with him. Of course,
Satan Max shows up, eats the candy and is hyped up on sugar, making him somehow even more obnoxious than he already was.
Brown: It’s good to know that Lola is as particular about M&Ms as Van Halen is.
We have to touch on Becky again. So during the episode, there’s a scene where DJ is asking for advice on Matt and if him (possibly) sending thousands of flowers is psycho, we are shown how much of a psycho Becky is as she pieces together a baby fashion show with Tommy. This woman is in dire need of Xanax. Also, doesn’t Becky have a job in LA she’s supposed to get back to? DJ is the only one in this house who has a steady job.
Froemming: Once Becky dressed Tommy up like an astronaut, someone should have called the authorities. This woman is no longer in touch with reality. They are just enabling her mental breakdown at this point.
So, Jackson barges into Ramona’s room, thinking Lola signed the weird contract and ate all those M&M’s (and one Skittle) only to find out it was Max, as he is running in circles and reminding me of a scene from “The Exorcist.” But Lola decides to take a chance with Jackson and agrees to a group hangout at the mall — like those still exist in San Francisco.
Brown: And we finally get closure on the flowers as the card is under Max’s bed, thanks to Cosmo being a hoarder. So they all go downstairs to end this caper and Max tells the family that Cosmo is sorry. Max can apparently speaks dog. At this point I didn’t care how absurd that idea was. But, the name was chewed off the card, so I guess we’ll never know who sent the flowers until…
Froemming: Like a demon spawned at a Satanic Ritual, The One Who Never Knocks, Uncle Jesse, appears out of the mist. Turns out, he was the creepy culprit in the flower fiasco. He sent them to Becky, congratulating her on the reunion show…I think. Little did he know that this means they will have to drive all the way back home with a living room full of roses.
Brown: The whole episode, seeing how nosey and insane this house is, I kept writing down in my notes: Matt, you have an opening to get out of this. And yet, we have four more episodes of this. Everyone in this show has a problem. And I have a problem because I keep watching it. I hate you, Kyle.
Episode 10: “A Giant Leap”
(Things get out of hand when Stephanie’s new boyfriend, Hunter Pence of the San Francisco Giants, invites everyone to one of his baseball games.)
Brown: In a carryover from the previous episode, we see Stephanie looking for love. And after we watch Max feed dog treats to Tommy, because Max is Damien from “The Omen,” Stephanie brings her new boyfriend to the house: San Francisco Giants all-star Hunter Pence. And because it’s a celebrity appearance, we get the proper freakout by the entire clan.
Froemming: I am going to be honest here: I think I began to suffer from a form of Stockholm Syndrome with this episode, because I kind of enjoyed it.
Brown: All things considered, Hunter Pence was good for this role. He’s a quirky dude, so the idea that he has a pizza fork around his neck does not seem out of the realm of possibility. There’s been worse cases of athletes acting… we have Shaquille O’Neal’s filmography to attest to that (cheap shot, I know).
Froemming: Anyway, yeah, we have a baseball game, which gave me a shining glimmer of hope that something exists outside the Tanner house in this world. Also, apparently Hunter can score unlimited baseball tickets, because pretty much the whole damn cast goes to the game. It is at the game we find out, from a loud drunk sitting behind the family, that Stephanie is the “blonde jinx” that is ruining Hunter’s baseball career.
Brown: Before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s delve back into DJ’s dating life. When Matt shows up to get his tickets, he takes DJ outside and makes out with her, thinking they’re out of view of the family. Hey, idiots, you are making out by the front door. A glass front door. Dumb. Just dumb.
And because things seem to be getting serious with Matt, DJ decides she needs to break the news to Steve, who still holds a flame for DJ. So, how does that go? DJ and Steve start making out in the backyard. DJ not understand discretion, because for the second time in a day, Stephanie and Kimmy are watching her play tonsil hockey with a man… So because this is a sitcom we got a *gasp* lover’s triangle.
Froemming: I sat there and said this out loud watching this: “DJ, don’t listen to that echo chamber in your house. You are a floozy.”
Brown: Not only that, but Steve seems like the kind of guy that digs through DJ’s garbage to find strands of her hair. Like, if DJ breaks things off with him completely, he will go off the rails like Rickety Cricket from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”
But hey, there’s a baseball game, so let’s go to AT&T Park to watch Hunter Pence and the Giants!
Froemming: Yup, and through his connections, Hunter gets a singing gig for Stephanie: She will take on “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” during the 7th Inning Stretch. But again, the loud drunk recognizes the Tanner Curse, and calls out the evil magic that Stephanie has put upon Hunter.
Brown: And as she’s being belittled by this angry fan who sits on his nachos while watching Hunter strike out multiple times, Stephanie believes that she is the jinx. So during her singing performance, she breaks up with Hunter. I would just like this stated in public forum: Stephanie, I’m available.
Froemming: We also have Matt and DJ on the Kiss Cam, which I think the cameraman had a vendetta against the two, because it pans on them multiple times. Of course, Steve is at the game and sees them up there. And, let’s face it, he loses his mind.
Brown: Something that kept bugging me during this baseball game, and this is a total sidetrack… So the pet clinic, we’ve only been shown that DJ and Matt are the only ones that work there. So while they’re at the Giants game, who’s running the clinic? There is a python somewhere in Chinatown that is dying a painful death because DJ and Matt have to be on Kiss Cam.
Froemming: One last thing, after being very publicly dumped, Hunter hits a home run. Right into Max’s glove outside the stadium. That CGI baseball looked like something George Lucas would have put in the “Star Wars” prequels. It looked like garbage, and that scene made me wish I had sat in some nachos, so I could have skipped this ending all together to do some laundry.
Brown: Are we sure that Greedo didn’t homer first?
Also, let’s not forget that Kimmy and Ramona get ejected from the game for trying to promote Gibbler Style by dancing and chanting atop one of the dugouts. This pleased me.
And finally, Matt and Steve air their grievances with DJ over this lover’s quarrel and appear to walk away, but because they are weak people, they decided to go along with this farce and try to win DJ’s heart. Whatever. Sitcom plot. I really stopped caring.
Whomever is reading this, send help. Please.
Reviews for episodes 11, 12 and 13 will be up tomorrow, March 5.