The JOE-DOWN Reviews ‘A View to a Kill’

Welcome to the JOE-DOWN, a back-and-forth movie review blog by two snarky newspapermen named Joe from Minnesota, Joe Froemming and Joe Brown. We will take turns selecting a movie — any movie we want — and review it here. For this installment, Brown picked “A View To A Kill.”

The info:

The Movie: “A View to a Kill”

Starring: Roger Moore, Christopher Walken, Tanya Roberts

Director: John Glen

Plot Summary: (From IMDB) The recovery of a microchip off the body of a fellow agent leads James Bond to a mad industrialist who plans to create a worldwide microchip monopoly by destroying California’s Silicon Valley.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 38 percent

Our take:

Brown: Once again, we’re checking out staples of film on the JOE-DOWN.

Last week, we reviewed a best picture winner and a staple of the 1990s in “Forrest Gump.” And this week, we visit a staple in both action movies and the JOE-DOWN in James Bond.

(Note: I hope “Money Plane” becomes a cinema staple in the future)

Back in December 2016, we had Bond Month, where we looked at “The Living Daylights,” “Never Say Never Again,” “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service,” and “Tomorrow Never Dies.” That’s a rather… random list with one glaring omission: We never covered Roger Moore, the longest tenured Bond.

That changes today with “A View to a Kill,” which was Moore’s last run as 007. And considering that Roger Moore was 57 when this movie was made, that was probably a wise choice.

I’d never seen “A View to a Kill” prior to this week. All I knew from it was the theme song by Duran Duran (which will lead to some JOE-DOWN bad blood later) and a review from the fine folks at “How Did This Get Made.”

While I kick out a snowmobile ski and invent snowboarding, give me your first impressions, Froemming.

Froemming: I, too, had not seen this before. Well, not that I remember because Bond movies played all the time on TV when I was growing up, so a lot of the Moore ones just blend together.

My first impression of Bond here was the same as Happy Gilmore’s when the bank is taking her house:

Also, a Bond movie with Christopher Walken as the bad guy during the peak of the crazy movie 80s, I was expecting something special.

What I got was a boring turd sandwich with a theme song by one of the lousiest bands of the decade. This should have been called “A View To A Boredom.”

Anywho, as I ponder if Bond was getting his AARP discount at the resorts he goes to in this, why don’t you kick this off.

Brown: We start off with one of the more mind-boggling cold opens I’ve come across in the movie.

We’re in Siberia, where super agent/STD patient zero James Bond is looking for the body of a fellow MI6 agent. Bond finds the body, along with a random microchip on his person. But communists are hot on Bond’s trail and thus begins a chase sequence in the snow on skis, because skiing is the most ‘80s shit ever. I’m sure the Soviets were calling our hero James Douche in Russian because that’s what villains in ‘80s skiing movies do, right?

Froemming: Yeah, the Russians are basically this guy:

And while 007 is risking his life (and more likely his hip), the Russians are relentless and the whole thing crescendos with Bond inventing snowboarding like Marty McFly inventing skateboards and…

The (REDACTED) Beach Boys.

Brown: It’s not even the Beach Boys! It’s a cover. Considering this movie was released in 1985, you’d think they’d use the David Lee Roth cover of “California Girls.” Nope! Also, they’re playing “California Girls” while in snowy Siberia.

Froemming:

Brown: And after Bond snowboards across water, the music just ends abruptly. It’s like a (REDACTED) “Family Guy” cutaway gag.

Eventually, Bond makes his escape in a disguised submarine, which has a sexy lady driving said sub because this is a Bond movie and all.

Froemming: Two things here about camouflage and disguise.

The Russians are in forest green uniforms in the snowy arctic, sticking out like sore thumbs.
The opening to the submarine is a BRIGHT UNION JACK FLAG DECAL! Kinda defeats the purpose of being (REDACTED) hidden.

Brown: AND because it’s a Bond movie, James hits a button and a hideaway bed emerges from the floor. They have a five-day trip in a sub from Siberia to England, so obviously, it’ll be a near-week of vigorous lovemaking.

Now, what does Bond bring for sustenance for this five-day trip? A giant tin of caviar — which is easily thousands of dollars — and a bottle of vodka.

They will absolutely be dead when that sub arrives in England.

Froemming: Bond is what we call a “functioning alcoholic.” I mean, the first thing he grabs once he is in the sub is his bottle of vodka. I imagine he has bottles hidden in the toilet too to hide his problem.

Brown: Oh, I have no doubt he hides beer in the toilet tank like Homer Simpson.

Now, Froemming, is there a worse food you’d want around you during sex than caviar? I’d put caviar in line with liver pâté. I don’t think there’d be a more unsexy line than “You were wonderful, dear. Now I’m gonna go slurp down fish eggs!”

Froemming: No…that sounds really disgusting. Maybe a tin of SPAM would be worse?

Brown: Let’s get that disgusting thought/taste out of our minds because we’re to the opening credits with Duran Duran, featuring the first Bond theme to go No. 1 on the Billboard 100 and is ‘80s as (REDACTED).

My apologies to “Skyfall” and “Thunderball,” this is my favorite Bond theme.

Froemming: This is probably the laziest of the Bond opening credit scenes. It is just women filmed in the dark with glow-in-the-dark paint on them. I mean, I feel like the director wasn’t even trying at this point. “Who cares? It is a (REDACTED) Bond film. It’ll make money no matter how shitty it is.”

As to the song? It would have been a forgotten Duran Duran song (and by that, I mean just a Duran Duran song) had it not been in a Bond movie. Honestly, the only Bond themes I enjoy are from the 1960s Connery movies. Everything else is just forgettable to me. Minus “Live and Let Die” due to classic rock stations playing it non-stop since the 70s. Doesn’t mean I think it is good, just means I can’t forget it as I have heard it too many times.

Brown: I know Homer gave the man lip, but I appreciate the man who convinced Paul McCartney to leave Wings.

The Duran Duran theme is so delightfully cheesy ‘80s that I can’t help but love it. Hearing synths just makes my heart happy. I love it in the same way I love “The Final Countdown” by Europe.

So we’re barely into the movie and I wrote in my notes about how old Moore looks in this movie. I guess good on him for getting booked for a Bond movie in his late 50s, but I don’t think a worldwide sex symbol should be wrinkled like a shar-pei.

Froemming: I love how they replaced Connery with an even older actor (Moore was three years older).

Brown: According to lore, Moore knew this would be his last movie when he found out he was old enough to be the grandpa of co-star Tanya Roberts.

No argument here.

Anyways, the microchip Bond found in Siberia had the name Zorin on it. So they want to take a look at Max Zorin (Walken), an East German industrialist who we find out invests (seemingly) heavily in race horses and blimps. And microchips, I guess?

Froemming: If Steve Jobs was Oreos, Zorin is our Hydrox knock-off.

Brown: Honestly, Walken looks like young Donald Trump in this movie.

So we’re off to the race track, where apparently every man dresses like the Monopoly Guy. Grace Jones is also here with Zorin, dressed like the pope?

Also, I’d like to tell Moneypenny a simple fact of the track: Don’t put money on a horse named Fluke. It’s just a bad omen.

Froemming: Who do you think Tibbetts hated driving around more, Bond or the Gallagher brothers?

Brown: Well, Tibbetts dies later in this movie, so driving Bond has its dangers. But man, the Gallagher brothers? Tough call.

Froemming: Can’t believe I remembered he was in that video.

Brown: I’m always shocked when I can remember Oasis.

Froemming: I am surprised they didn’t take the name “The Shitty Beatles” from “Wayne’s World.”

Anyway, everyone is dressed like assholes, like Brown mentioned. Zorin has this shocked bleached blond hair, which somehow makes him look like a bigger asshole. We also learn Grace Jones plays a character named May Day, which combined with the other asshole elements really hurt my brain.

Then we see a dance show with a woman with fake birds. It was at this moment I truly wished the movie would just end.

Brown: Not birds. Butterflies. It’s the dance of the papillon or something. I dunno. I don’t speak French/understand French.

Froemming: That makes this worse.

Well, we see one of the butterfly handlers get judo chopped and knocked out, and replaced by a shadowy figure. This figure just happens to know that French private detective Achille Aubergine is about to spill the beans on something, so they smack him in the face with what looks like a fish lure that punctures his cheek, killing him instantly….somehow?

Brown: I think Detective Aubergine was taken out by THE MIGHTY MONARCH!

Off-topic: Bring back “The Venture Bros.,” Adult Swim!

And yeah, Aubergine , who was relaying info of a Zorin horse sale to Bond, dies via fish hook? As someone who fishes often, getting a fishing hook in the cheek would hurt like all hell. It’s an instant ER visit. But it wouldn’t be lethal. I think I read that the hook was poison tipped, but I don’t recall the movie telling us that.

Froemming: This is also quite the dangerous piece of information to have: A multi-million dollar horse auction for the elite. No, I am pretty sure that information was not all that hidden, as we see later there are A LOT OF PEOPLE THERE.

Aubergine died via fish lure for no good reason.

This results in Bond chasing this shadowy figure UP THE EIFFEL TOWER! Look, Bond does not look like he is in the best shape, so I could not suspend my disbelief in watching a near-60 year old alcoholic climbing up this historic landmark.

Brown: It’s still better than I can do, so I can suspend a little disbelief. That goes out the window, though, when Bond gets slowed down and nearly killed when our assassin throws a fishing rod at old man Bond.

It bears mentioning, too: Why go UP the Eiffel Tower? Sure, the killer (who is CLEARLY May Day) has a parachute. BUT, going down would have been easier, albeit less theatrical.

Plus, parachuting is apparently slow enough for Bond to reach the bottom of the tower and hop in a crappy European taxi to follow along.

This is followed by said taxi breaking in half and Bond driving it with just the front end for a long time, FOLLOWED by Bond hopping on a ship and literally crashing a wedding.

Froemming: Well, if the “Fast and Furious” franchise taught us anything…

Brown: This is why people hate Roger Moore Bond movies: I’m describing a (REDACTED) cartoon.

Froemming: He crashes the wedding, and May Day takes off on a speedboat driven by Zorin, who just magically knew where this chase would end.

Brown, does he have those psychic powers from “The Dead Zone” in this?

Brown: I think Zorin’s powers are more akin to being like Ed Glosser: Trivial Psychic.

Froemming: Also, they laugh like psychotics after he picks her up for no reason. I felt like this part was directed by Tommy Wiseau.

Well, this means Bond and Tibbetts need to go undercover to the horse auction, which is perhaps the dullest hour of any Bond movie I have ever seen.

Brown: Not Bond, my friend. No, this begins the exploits of Bond’s alter-ego: James St. John Smith. Pronounced Sin-Gin-Smyth, because why the (REDACTED) not?

Seriously. Sin-Gin-Smyth.

Froemming: He is too loaded all the time to pronounce those words, Brown.

He also makes Tibbetts his personal driver and man-servant. That’ll teach him for hanging around Oasis!

We also see the horse stables at Zorin’s place are larger than the servant quarters, which is a good chuckle for the 1 percenters here.

Brown: While at the horse sale, Bond finds Zorin writing a check to a mystery woman, which he finds out is worth $5 million after pulling the same pencil trick The Dude pulled off.

While Bond is schmoozing/boozing with the rich folks, Tibbetts is hidin’ out in the horse stables and sees the prize horse suddenly disappear. Something weird is afoot. Bond and Tibbets will explore later.

I will say, I did enjoy the ploy they put together of putting an 8-hour tape recording of random normal noises when the two discover a bug in their room at Zorin’s mansion.

Froemming: They found the bug via electric shaver.

Brown: This does bring me to a major problem in this movie: there is almost no use of gadgets in this movie. This is the only bit I can remember. There’s no cars with cool tricks. No hidden weapons. Just a device that finds a bug and a voice recorder that I use for my job every day. Shit, why bother paying Desmond Llewelyn to play Q if you don’t use him for anything?

Froemming: Well, they pay him to be a pervert at the end of the movie.

Brown: Oh yeah, I forgot about his “Short Circuit” robot.

We need to review “Short Circuit” sometime.

Froemming: Also, May Day is here and this is when I realized this character needed glasses. She does not recognize the man who chased her up the Eiffel Tower. I am guessing she just Mr. Magoo-ed that escape.

Brown: She probably just assumed this old man isn’t a threat. I’d assume the same thing.

Froemming: She is constantly stopping him from talking to people, like when he starts slurring at the woman who got the $5 million check. She puts the kibosh on that real quick. We also get Zorin meeting with Bond, and he gets visibly uncomfortable when Bond brings up fishing. I am guessing bad memories of the Natalie Wood incident?

Brown:

Froemming: That is when Zorin wants May Day to keep an eye on Bond. She does a lousy job because we next see James sneaking into the stalls and spooking poor Tibbetts. And it is here we at least get a secret passageway somewhere, when a stall turns into an elevator.

Brown: An elevator that leads to what I assume is a horse hospital.

It’s here where Bond somehow deduces that Zorin had his East German Nazi doctor inject remote-controlled adrenaline shots into his prized horse just by *checks notes* staring at a non-descript vial of blood.

That’s the kind of flawless science I’d expect out of climate change-denying scientists.

Froemming:

Well, a couple of hired goons are heading their way, which means potential trouble for our elderly heroes.

But not really. Only Tibbetts gets his ass kicked. Bond throws one guy into a box which gets boarded up poorly by a doodad, and the other goon just gets laid out on this conveyer belt.

Brown: Here’s a visual aid for what this fight looked like.

Froemming: This sounds the alarm and Zorin immediately says they need to check on the drunkard who is interested in horses.

Brown: Whoa whoa whoa… slow down, Froemming. The alarm goes off WHILE Zorin and May Day are engaging in what I can only describe as kung-fu foreplay. Basically, they are kicking each others’ ass, with Zorin in a gi and May Day in an ‘80s-ass leotard. It’s about to get graphic, THEN the alarm goes off.

Froemming: It looked like Robert California wrestling Stu in “The Office.”

Brown: Did Robert California wrestle in a gi or a leotard?

Froemming: Leotard I think.

Well, they decide to trap this drunk by raising the drawbridge to the castle, because I guess that is a thing in this movie. Bond makes it, and while sneaking in, May Day’s bout of face-blindness goes away for a moment when she realizes this guy is the very same man who chased her up the Eiffel Tower.

Brown: Zorin and May Day find Mr. Sin-Gin-Smyth’s room empty, only to open May Day’s room for a naked Bond waiting for May Day under the covers of her bed.

… Great. We get to see another person’s #MeToo moment. (REDACTED) you, Bond.

Froemming: She just did what Trump asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders to do after Kim Jong-un winked at her.

Brown: She did more than that, buddy!

As we discussed and hell, I’ll bring it up here: a story on set is that during this love scene, Grace Jones snuck in an *ahem* sex toy to freak Roger Moore the hell out.

May Day pegged James Bond. Ilana Wexler approves.

Froemming: After what I assumed was very loud sex and May Day’s pegging of James, Zorin meets with Bond the next day to do a face scan on his super advanced computer which looks like an Atari 2600. Turns out, super secret agents with a license to kill can be outed by an internet program that is more ridiculous than Altavista sites of the ‘90s.

The computer says “secret agent” and a graphic pops up saying “license to kill.” This and later on in San Francisco, we learn MI6 is pretty lousy at being secretive.

Brown: Meanwhile, Tibbett meets his maker when May Day kills him from the back of his Rolls Royce. The way it was shot, and the fact that May Day kills another person like this later in the movie, I was waiting for Derek and the Dominos to come over the soundtrack.

Froemming: Tibbetts was going to meet his end this way by either May Day or Liam Gallagher, it was inevitable.

Brown: In an effort to inflict harm, Zorin has Bond run a steeplechase course with a wild stallion, complete with booby traps like… higher hurdles! Longer water traps!

“A VIEW TO A KILL!” THE ULTIMATE THRILL RIDE!

After the horse is scared off the course, Bond sees the Rolls Royce and tries to escape in it, only to find May Day driving. Bond gets captured by Zorin.

My question is this: That Rolls Royce looked awfully clean when Bond tried to get in. Did she get help from The Wolf?

Froemming: She strangled Tibbeetss in the car wash. So it was getting cleaned while that poor son-of-a-bitch met his maker. At least the car got cleaned, which was his reason to head to town. So the guy got that right.

Zorin and May Day decide the best way to kill a secret agent with a license to kill is by locking him in a car and pushing it into a lake like they are Butters’ mom in “South Park.”

Brown: I wrote that it was like Eminem in “‘97 Bonnie and Clyde.” I like your reference better.

However, Bond survives underwater by *checks notes* breathing the air out of the car’s tires. Years later, “Mythbusters” would prove this to be a bunch of bullshit.

With Mr. Sin-Gin-Smyth out of the way, Zorin can go back to his most grand evil plan: taking over the microchip market.

Zorin makes a sales pitch to a bunch of rich businessmen on board his blimp because all villainy should be conducted on a zeppelin. The pitch is creating a microchip monopoly by *checks notes* destroying Silicon Valley.

There’s one MAJOR, MAJOR problem with that, Max. Let me quote friend of the blog Roger Ebert on this matter:

“Walken’s plan is to corner the market on computer chips by destroying all the computer firms in California’s Silicon Valley. Unfortunately, he has overlooked one basic fact: the computer manufacturers in Silicon Valley are the purchasers of computer chips, which they put into their computers. They are not the manufacturers, who are basically in Japan. He isn’t killing the competition; he’s killing his own customers. A real Bond villain wouldn’t make a mistake like that.”

We can’t say it better than nerdy-ass Roger, folks.

Froemming: Well, let’s have a retort from Michael Bay to Ben Affleck!

At one point, Zorin has May Day launch a man from their balloon because he does not want to invest $100 million dollars. Frankly, nobody on this thing would be able to make that call, as an investment like that would probably require many people okaying such a thing. But hey, guy falls to his death, which is comically obvious to be a dummy or a mannequin of some sort.

Bond heads to San Francisco, a beautiful city destroyed by hippies in the 60s. Here he meets his CIA contact, Chuck Lee who is undercover in a fish market for reasons?

Brown: The code for Bond to find his contact is asking for soft-shelled crab… in a fish market.

How many false alarms did this CIA contact have during the day?

Froemming: It is here we learn Zorin was a steroid baby born of Nazi experiments that make him — um, well from his plan he is not bright. From the horse race with Bond, he is not exactly a super strong guy. Maybe the steroids made his hair blonde like he was a member of The Police?

Brown: Movie fact: Christopher Walken was the third choice to play Zorin behind David Bowie and the singer of The Police himself, Sting.

Froemming: Whatever, Bond needs to go to Zorin’s oil pumping station for some reason.

Brown: It’s to gain more intel on Zorin, I think? Honestly, the next 10 minutes is pretty inconsequential. Zorin has enemies in the KGB since he apparently left them, so they are trying to sabotage his operation. That gets thwarted. After Bond witnesses this, he meets up with a hot KGB agent named Pola Ivanova, whom Bond steals a tape with Zorin discussing his plan after Bond and Ivanova have gross hot tub sex. Being an older man in a hot tub, I was worried that the heat of the tub and this rigorous activity may have an adverse effect on Bond’s heart.

After this pointless scene, Bond heads to city hall, where he finds the woman from before that got the $5 million check from Zorin. She’s a state geologist named Stacey Sutton.

… No dumb pun name? Yeah, there’s a woman working for Zorin named Jenny Flex, along with May Day. But those are pretty lame. Then again, this movie was off the heels of “Octopussy,” which I don’t know if that’s clever or stupid. If I’m questioning that, it’s the latter.

Froemming: This whole movie was phoned-in, Brown.

Anyway, Bond follows her to her house, where he too is being tracked. After he breaks-in, these two finally get to know one another as he poses as a reporter for Financial Times…

Then, some hired goons show up for a rumble!

Brown: Question: Bond breaks into Stacey’s mansion, which she apparently inherited, by using an unlocking gadget he bought at the Sharper Image? Does the Sharper Image deal in burglary tools?

Froemming: I don’t know if you notice, but nobody obviously gave a (REDACTED) top-to-bottom in the making of this movie.

After throwing some judo chops at these goons and presumably killing them, he decides to cook dinner for Ms. Sutton. No cops called on the break-in or attemptive murder? Just relaxing with a quiche?

This movie boggles the mind.

Brown: Between the caviar and the quiche, I think Bond really has a thing for eggs. A disgusting, perverse thing, kind of like Troy McClure and fish.

Also, when the fight goes on, Stacey smashes a vase over a goon’s head, claiming it is her grandpa’s ashes. … Who wants to tell her there were no ashes ANYWHERE after smashing that vase/urn?

After all this hubbub, Bond takes Stacey to bed and *checks notes* tucks her in?!

Look, I’m glad Bond finally shows restraint but…

Bond and Stacey meet with the CIA informant, only for said informant to be killed by May Day via back-of-the-car strangulation. Again.

Froemming: They head to city hall, where they find Zorin and May Day waiting for them, to frame them for the murder of a guy they shoot in front of them, then to set the building on fire like someone stole their Swingline stapler.

Brown: I wrote in my notes that, considering that he was burning city hall with Molotov cocktails, Zorin was Antifa. Although, considering his Nazi roots, Zorin is the opposite of Antifa.

Froemming: Zorin also looks like one of the robot Republicans from “Halloween 3.“

He and May Day hightail it out of there as Bond and Stacey are trapped in a burning elevator. I wish this was a thrilling escape, but it isn’t. It just isn’t. Bond gets them to the roof, and climbs down with Stacey on his shoulders as the media is shooting photos and taping him. After this, he tells the police HE IS A SECRET AGENT within earshot of the press.

James Bond is not good at being a secret agent.

Brown: The cops try to arrest Bond anyways, only for him to break away and steal a fire truck.

Then this movie basically turns into the chase scene from “The Blues Brothers” because this movie is a (REDACTED) cartoon.

The most I related to any character in this movie is, when Stacey takes the wheel of the fire truck, she immediately looks to turn on the siren. I’d do the same thing, no question.

They drive through the night and make it to a mine that Zorin owns. So, if I’m to assume correctly, after getting out of San Francisco in a stolen fire truck, NO MORE POLICE pursue James and Stacey? Come the (REDACTED) on, movie!

Froemming: It is the rules of “Grand Theft Auto,” once you are outside the red ring of danger, the police leave you alone.

And so these two chuckleheads sneak down in the mine in a container full of explosives. Bond also blames women’s lib for destroying the Teamsters, which was an odd thing to say.

Brown: The movie suggests he did it to explain why Stacey is wearing heels in her Teamsters jumpsuit. I think he actually said it because Bond is an asshole.

Froemming: They get down in the mine, and Zorin is there with May Day and a bunch of union laborers, who will be gunned down in a few minutes by questionable union-busting methods by Zorin. Bond and Stacey are almost immediately recognized and are chased.

I think it is here we get the confusing gist of Zorin’s plan. Blow up these underground mines to drown Silicon Valley.

Again, he is killing his customers like heis killing his employees.

Brown: Yeah, the idea is to set off explosives along fault lines to make it look like a massive earthquake led to the Bay Area becoming Atlantis. Basically, it’s the plot to Tool’s “Ænima” if you replace Los Angeles with San Francisco.

Zorin is gleefully gunning down his henchmen and leaves the scene without May Day and Jenny Flex as they flood the mines with everyone in them. May Day catches up to Bond and Stacey, but becomes an enraged ally of Bond due to Zorin’s betrayal.

Together, Bond and May Day work to get the main explosive out of the explosive-filled pit that’ll destroy Silicon Valley. When they can’t get this bomb out of the mine, May Day uses a handcart and sacrifices herself to save the Bay.

*Sigh* … Grace Jones was wasted in this role. Her physical charisma is on display but she gets no real development.

Froemming: It is a crime they wasted Jones like this. This movie is just awful.

But Zorin escapes because a little trailer office turns into another blimp for him. He spends a lot of money on blimps, man.

And Bond grabs a rope and is dragged through the sky, where the blimp heads to the Golden Gate Bridge, where Zorin plans on killing Bond by slowly banging him on it? Makes no sense. He smashes Bond onto the bridge, but the blimp is so slow he easily just grabs onto the wires and whatnot, basically anchoring this dumb balloon there.

Brown: Stacey was kidnapped by Zorin when this blimp took off. And by kidnapped, I mean the blimp snuck up on Stacey and she was abducted. … How does a blimp sneak up on someone? It’s a loud (REDACTED) blimp, not Andy Bernard’s hybrid.

With the blimp caught on the Golden Gate Bridge, Stacey helps by knocking out both one of Zorin’s goons and the Nazi doctor, leaving Zorin to go after Bond and Stacey with an axe.

The fight on the bridge is… pretty lame. Eventually, Zorin (or a dummy that looks a lot like him) falls to his death.

That’s not all, though, as our Nazi doctor awakes and grabs a stick of dynamite to throw at Bond. But our hero is saved when he cuts the blimp free, causing the Nazi to drop the dynamite and blow up the blimp.

Here’s how I felt watching Walken die, followed by the blimp burning up in the sky.

Froemming: Yup, it is pretty (REDACTED) boring for a climax of a Bond movie.

We then learn James is awarded the Order of Lenin, and he didn’t even need a pee tape blackmail scenario to get that! But he isn’t there to accept it, as we see Q is using his robot to watch him and Stacey have loud sex in the shower.

*sigh* This is the worst James Bond movie I have ever seen.

Brown: Until we review “Moonraker.”

Well, let’s hop in our blimp and get to recommendations.

WOULD YOU RECOMMEND?

Brown: Honestly, this movie was more fun to talk about than to watch. I wouldn’t recommend it. I would recommend listening to the Duran Duran song on a loop, though.

Froemming: No, this was awful.

Here is what’s coming up for the next Joe-Down:

October is Halloween Month at the JOE-DOWN!

Oct. 4