‘The Final Deletion:’ 17 Minutes of Glorious Insanity

Hey folks. Joe Brown here, the other half of the JOE-DOWN to give you the most ludicrous thing you’ll watch all week.

Coming from the world of pro wrestling (which I’m fanatical about) is “The Final Deletion,” the main event of Impact Wrestling featuring brothers Matt and Jeff Hardy squaring off.

We’ve all seen this before, right? Two men enter the ring, one leaves the winner. Well, this eventually gets there. But only after a 1-year-old’s birthday party, a fleet of “aerial assault robots” (see: tiny drones) and lawn destruction for starters.

This is not the first bit of lunacy between Matt and Jeff Hardy on Impact Wrestling. Back in June, they filmed a contract signing that involved throwing a baby. And from there, things continue to get more insane for this wrestling angle.

I mean, look at this:

Matt Hardy’s face is being projected from a drone like he’s Zordon from “Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.”

And now, you can find a place for such phrases in your life as “It’s a dilapidated boat” when your brother shoots Roman candles at you, or “Delightful. It’s an extraordinary xylophone” when your gardener buys your infant son a birthday gift.

Say those things when you haphazardly summon your friends with your violin from your close personal friend Antonio Stradivari (disregard that, Stradivari has been dead for 278 years).

The whole 17-minute clip is a master’s class in bad acting, horrible ambiguous accents and storytelling so bonkers that Tommy Wiseau and Ed Wood would applaud.

And it’s catching on in a bizarre way. Impact Wrestling doubled its ratings from the previous week. Even a secondary character like Señor Benjamin (Matt Hardy’s gardener) has a T-shirt.

I love every terrible-yet-awesome second of it. I hope you enjoy it. Or at the very least, I’ll enjoy the “What the hell did I just watch?” emails.

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